He Said She Said v.3

Dr. Nails was watching the boys one day and sent me the following texts:
"where are e's clothes???"
followed by: "all i can find for him is a pair of dirty jeans and a tight white t-shirt.
Throw some cologne on him and he's ready for the liquor dome."

Jake was looking at a grocery store flyer:
"apple juice is on sale mommy."

Jake: "mommy, you exercising me mommy!"

Now, this is not funny so much for the words, but moreso for the circumstance:
picture pushups/planks/pelvic thrusts (yes, jane fonda style) with a 30lb toddler sitting astride.

Ahem. 'nuff said...

Dr.Nails:  "i still believe in unicorns, just not the rainbow mane part."

"i like eating ketchup"
"hey guys, it's wednesday" (it was)
and "are we at the mall mommy?" (when we were very obviously at home.)

Then there's also the stuff that sugars up my day:
"do you want some water daddy?"
"i kiss you better mommy"
and "hey baby, you lookin' fine..."

He Said She Said v.2

The insanity continues...


Me: "Hey do you want to go outside or what?"
Jake: "What."

After Jake lets out a bunch of farts:
Me: "Was that you farting?"
Jake: "Maybe a little bit mommy, a little tiny bit."

Dr. Nails still hung up on the unicorn thing:  

"I can't believe people don't believe there were unicorns, what the hell do they think a narwhale is?!

Yeah, there's giant fish with a horn but it's impossible for horses to have them? Come on!"

Jake after soaking his pants, socks and even filling his rain boots with pee:
"I pee outside like Hannah!!"

We were on our way home speeding along at about 80kph
Dr. Nails while driving, both hands on the wheel and wearing sunglasses: "Look at that!"
Me frantically looking left then right then back again: "Where? What?"
Dr: "Man you're bad at that, you should practise."

J: "I need wash my hands"
Me: "Why?"
J: "I hab pee on dem."
of course. why else?

After a day of botched conversations between myself and the dear Dr:
Dr Nails: "communication between us it at an all-time low."
In order to avoid any more confusion I simply nodded my agreement.
Unfortunately he wasn't looking at me....

But hey, here's looking at you : )

Disclaimer:  All conversations were in jest, no feelings were harmed in the making of this blog post.

He Said She Said

Documenting the ridiculousness that is our life,
one conversation at a time...

Trying to lure Jake into helping me with the laundry (a long time favorite job)
Me:  "Baby, can you please come help me with the laundry?"
Him:  "Mommy do it herself."
(this has since become a favorite phrase, along with "Mommy get it.")

While discussing Narwhales with Dr. Nails:

Me: "I didn't know that was a real animal."

Him: "Of course it's real, I think that unicorns are real too, i mean they had to come from somewhere right?"

Me: "Yeah, but Spiderman came from somewhere too, like someone's head. Are you saying you believe in unicorns?"

Him: "Well when you put it like that it doesn't sound that cool..."

Jake after throwing a dinky car at my head:

"Hello mommy, i love you, kiss"

Dr. Nails:  "I'm going to save these last 4 meatballs for later."
Me:  "And there's 3 more in the pan for you."
Him:  "Awesome, that makes 5."
Me:  "um, ok..."

Jake when the lego's wouldn't co-operate, throws one against the wall in a fit of rage:
 "f#*! it"  (Whoopsie)

I don't think this requires any words:

Thank God one of them can't talk yet....