He Said She Said

Documenting the ridiculousness that is our life,
one conversation at a time...

Trying to lure Jake into helping me with the laundry (a long time favorite job)
Me:  "Baby, can you please come help me with the laundry?"
Him:  "Mommy do it herself."
(this has since become a favorite phrase, along with "Mommy get it.")

While discussing Narwhales with Dr. Nails:

Me: "I didn't know that was a real animal."

Him: "Of course it's real, I think that unicorns are real too, i mean they had to come from somewhere right?"

Me: "Yeah, but Spiderman came from somewhere too, like someone's head. Are you saying you believe in unicorns?"

Him: "Well when you put it like that it doesn't sound that cool..."

Jake after throwing a dinky car at my head:

"Hello mommy, i love you, kiss"

Dr. Nails:  "I'm going to save these last 4 meatballs for later."
Me:  "And there's 3 more in the pan for you."
Him:  "Awesome, that makes 5."
Me:  "um, ok..."

Jake when the lego's wouldn't co-operate, throws one against the wall in a fit of rage:
 "f#*! it"  (Whoopsie)

I don't think this requires any words:

Thank God one of them can't talk yet....

It's 8:30am...

 I have been up for 2 and a half hours already. 

There has been no less than 2 diaper explosions; someone big went pee on the potty but forgot to
tuck it in, so pee went everywhere except in the potty;
someone little peed while being changed, peeing on the change table, me and all over himself;
I have had poop on both hands, am exhausted, and if I hear anyone yelling "naked boy! naked boy! naked boy!"
followed by "Mommy clean it" one more time....

Fast forward a few days....

Once again it is 8:30 am, 8:24 to be exact. I have had small hands touch me after said small hands have been in pee; 

i have been barfed all over, then peed on while applying lotion to someone little. 

Unfortunately I wasn't quite paying attention at this exact moment, and thus applied not just lotion but pee also.  

Don't judge me. I am easily distracted by naked boys threatening to poop.

There has already been a bath and i have 5 loads of laundry to do, two of which are from this morning alone....

And that is all before 9am. Welcome to my day..

I get slobbered on, peed on, barfed on.

I clean pee off toilet seats, poop out of carpets and unidentifiable substances out of the couch.

I do uncountable loads of laundry, clean the toilet multiple times a day,

and don't even get me started on the kitchen...

But i get this:

And it's all. completely. worth it : )

Elmo vs. Dorothy

Weird sh#t my kid does was my alternate title...
This is the scene that awaited me on the couch the other morning:

I guess he thought Elmo was hungry?

( For those of you who aren't up to date on Sesame Street,
Elmo's best friend is a fish named Dorothy.  Oh the irony. )

Photo Bomb Friday

When you're not the centre of attention, just get in the way :)

Wandering into the Weekend

There are a million and one things i should be doing but am not.

Supper isn't going to cook itself, the floors are dirty, and no one else will fold the laundry.

The photos aren't getting edited, websites aren't updated, and obviously no-one else is here blogging.

The baby-to-be doesn't have a name, clean clothes, or even a bedroom yet.

But the weather is fabulous, the sun is still shining, and the leaves are stunning.

And if someone small would rather be outside, heck, who am I to argue?!


Happy Friday!

DIY Finger Paint

The Little is getting to an age where he will sit down and color or play with play dough,

and although he's not yet pumping out the great masterpieces i foresee in his future,

it does actually keep him busy for at least a few minutes at a time.

Being the thrifty crafty kinda girl that i am, i figured i could save a few bucks 

and a trip up the road if i made some my own craft supplies.

Thanks to the miracle that is pinterest, i easily found a recipe for finger paint that fit the bill,

and promptly whipped up a batch.

Yes, it was pretty.

Yes it was easy to make.

But paint it was not.  FAIL.

He got upset when it clumped on his fingers,

And decided it was a stupid game.

Too bad i took all these photos thinking how great a blog post this was going to be.

Perhaps he is just a little young. Perhaps i screwed up the recipe. (a rare occurrence, ha!)
But it was just kinda gross and slimy.
So the next day we went up the road and bought some of the real crayola stuff instead,
and while we haven't yet given it a try, i have high hopes that those masterpieces are on their way : )

Um....Awkward.

Awkward Pregnancy Occurrences:

While pregnancy is a many splendored, wondrous and beautiful thing,
there are a few aspects that are mmm, not so glamorous:

When strangers stop you and predict the sex of your baby. Not necessarily awkward for me, as i don't know who's in there, but potentially very awkward for the guesser if the sex is known and they predict wrong. Also just kind of uncomfortable.

Gigantic, earth shattering, body rocking burps.  Please explain?!?!

Having to pee in public bathrooms all the time - due to the endless need to pee, i find myself in places i wouldn't normally frequent i.e. the Walmart bathroom.  I cannot go in there without thinking about the woman in the states(?) who left her baby in the toilet.  Not to mention public bathrooms are kinda gross.

The Pregnancy Waddle.

Going out to eat and trying not to stuff your face (though that's exactly what you want to do) because you think everyone's staring, waiting for the pregnant chick to do exactly that.  Don't become a cliche.

When the baby kicks straight down.

When strangers ask to touch your belly. Um, can i touch yours?  (btw - if you are known to me, rub away)

Having people (ahem, men!) tell you how large you are / are going to be. Yes thanks, I actually hadn't noticed.

Pregnancy halloween costumes. Seriously, Google it (though not suitable for all viewers.)

Peeing when you sneeze.

: )

Mud Man

What happens when you leave the lid off the sandbox....

 You get a mud baby. Twice.

When Good Intentions Go Bad

Before:

After:

When we saw the barber outside his shop chuffing on a cigarette and texting, we should have hmmmm'd.

When we walked in to the shop and saw the remnants of his last client still all over the floor, we should have heard clanging.

When he didn't take debit or credit but said he'd do it for free, we should have got the hell outta there.

'Nuff said.

17 Week Bump!

First off, I would like to say thank you to everyone who commented on yesterday's post.

It makes me feel better to know that i am not the only one dealing with this type of thing!

Of course I certainly hope it was an isolated incident, and I will be the first to say that I have never seen that little boy 

do anything like this before. He actually seems like a nice kid.

(not that I watch him all the time or anything, but I just might start : )

I know that sometimes in the heat of the moment kids get swept up, and when you're three you don't necessarily 

understand that what you are doing is wrong or hurtful.

He just really wanted to ride the car with his buddy, and I am not reading any more into it than that.

It was a bit of a wake-up call though, to the fact that I actually have to start PARENTING.

So far I have been coasting along on my laurels, thinking 'hot damn this mommy stuff is a piece of cake.'

(as if, but we'll just pretend.)  This is a game changer.  This is where making a silly face or singing 'you are my sunshine' just won't cut it anymore, and I have to start thinking about how to react like an ADULT in these situations.

I am so not an adult yet, and so ill-prepared for this!

Anyways, I'm sure the shoe will be on the other foot soon enough, and all I can do is hope that 

my eyes are open to see, and that I can teach the Little how to share and take turns. 

So, moving on to my other little bambino.....

I lost my little buddy again to the nap monster today, but this momma sure isn't complaining about that : )

The baby is the size of a red onion now,
and is definitely doing some backflips and summersaults!

Pimp My Ride

Most Wednesdays the Little and i head out to a little playgroup just up the road.

They have ride on toys, balls, blocks, dollhouses, costumes, crafts and a yummy snack every week,

and both he and i almost always have a good time.

When we first started going a few months ago, he was too little to ride on any of the cars.

Instead he would just stand in the middle of the floor and let the bigger kids tear circles around him,

all the while with a huge grin hiding behind the ever present thumb.

Now that he is bigger he can actually ride the cars himself, and is even finally going forward instead of backwards!

Let me just interject here and say that this in itself just shows how fast he is growing,

{sniff sniff sniff.}

But last week, while riding one of those plasma cars (that you just have to wiggle the wheel and it goes,) one of the 

bigger boys pushed him into a corner and made him get off so he could have the car.

I was right there, and was telling him that he couldn't do that, it was Jake's turn and he could have it after.

Of course the boy didn't listen to me, and despite my protests Jake eventually just got off, 

simply because he was backed in a corner and couldn't move. 

The little didn't even seem to mind, and just went to find something else to play with.

 I, however, was furious.

Now i know this is bound to happen over and over in the years to come, both on playgrounds and in school.

However, the fact that i was right there and couldn't stop it made me angry.

What was I going to do?

I wasn't about to wrestle the car away from a little boy, and the fact that i had been defeated by a 

three year old came as a real blow to my ego.

How do parents deal with this sort of thing? Leave them to figure it out on their own?

Get the other parents involved?  What would you do? 

I felt as though he had taken the car from me, not just my little boy, and i have been stewing about it since.

Once Dr. Nails caught wind of this little incident, it was game on.

And the very next day he came home with a car for the Little that no one would ever take away : )

As for that kid at playgroup? Whatevs, he certainly ain't rollin' like this....

Toddler Proofing...

...the Creative Way...

The Little is into everything these days, and as i've said before, nothing is sacred.
This has created many challenges for us in keeping him (and our stuff) safe.
Being the creative types that we are however, we have come up with a few unique was to keep
the knives in the drawer, the garbage out of reach, prevent a tumble down the stairs, and keep the groceries frozen...

Spatula cupboard keeper-closer.

Drawer pulls reversed on the inside - useless to all, but safe!

Spoon key to unlock basement door.  Who chose these stupid latches again?!  Oh yeah, me : (

Wood shims to keep freezer closed.  Carpenter magic.

There are more too - like the piece of baseboard that now rests on my dresser, creating a wall that little fingers cannot reach over, and thus saving little eyes from hairspray accidents.
And there's even a few real child locks on things, but most of them are junk and have broken.
( How are they allowed to sell plug covers that are so easy to pull out, or cupboard latches that snap?! )

Hey, if nobody moves no one gets hurt.

Underwhelmed

Sometimes life just slips out of your grasp, and nothing ever really seems to get done.

And there are so. many. things. 

Worse however, is if it does actually get done, and someone undoes it instantly.

Like the blog post i wrote that disappeared, or my just swept floors that the plant mysteriously exploded on.  

Hmmm....but i suppose that's life, and i'm trying not to get my panties in a bunch ; )

So instead of the perfectly worded and well articulated post i wrote for you last night you get this....

Because she looks about as impressed as i feel : )

And now i'm going to have a word with that plant....

Keep On Keeping Up!

I'm sure all of my blogger friends know that google is wreaking havoc on us little guys,

removing both friend connect and picnik at the same time.  Boo, hiss.

Anyways, I value each and every single one my fabulous readers, and i LOVE that you hang out here with us!

So in an effort to make it easier on you, I have updated the subscription options on the sidebar,
so add us to your reader!  I'm still trying to figure this whole reader thing out, and how to set things up to get posts directly to your email account.  If any of you have any suggestions for this please let me know.

( I may extremely bad at figuring this stuff out, but i do get it eventually : )

Oh, and you can always 'like' us on facebook! Just know that we like you too ; )

Hope you have a funny day : )

It's Friday! Here's a Photo.

It has been a long week around here, the Little is SO sick...

flushed little cheeks and a little nose that just goes run run run : (

Let's just say we're not so picture perfect around here at the moment!

This, however, totally is:

Happy Friday my friends!!!

{ Shoot. Edit. Submit. }

Finally Friday!

Okay, so i realize that i haven't done the rest of the mexico pics, the post about the island 

(in our kitchen, not a tropical one with palm trees), the basement that's undergoing a major transformation, our major sleep issues, the blog award i was given (thanks Chandra!), the big haircut, the yummy cranberry muffins i made (oops! they're all gone), 

our new friends and all the fun we're having, my broken toe, or my photography company logo i've been working on....

But we've been busy!  (and tired!)  I promise to catch up next week.....

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Monday Monday

The best part about mondays?

Putting them behind you : )

The Hannah Dog Gets Another New Knee

Meet the bionic-million dollar dog.

( excuse the dribble of what i can only assume to be dog slobber down the wall behind her.

had i noticed it before i may or may not have photoshopped it out of the picture.

also i wish i could say since noticing it in this photo i have cleaned it. alas, perfect i am not ; )

Right after the Little was born the Hannah Dog had a major operation to re-align her right knee.

she came home with a metal plate and something like 8 screws in her,

and a 50 - 50 chance her other leg might go too.

 of course, it did. 

So last week she had another major operation to re-align her left knee,

and came home with another metal plate and a bunch more screws, and a bit less hair.

she's soooo not sopposed to be up there, or up anywhere for that matter,

but it is impossible to stop her.  

i'm not sure it it's the drugs or if she just feels good.

The worst part?  The fact that she's had two epidurals, and i never even got to have one : }

Well, our wallets may be empty but the Hannah Dog lives on,

 to one day fetch again....

( Summer 2008 )

Jet Plane Jitters

We all know that sick feeling when we see the people with the screaming baby 

heading our way on a plane, when we hope to hell they don't sit anywhere in our vicinity.

 Well, this time I will be the one striking fear in the hearts of my fellow passengers.

Contrary to popular belief, Jake is not the perfect baby. 

Close, really really close, but not quite.

So the thought of taking him on an airplane to fly across the country is a wee bit scary.

Maybe not so much for me, but definitely for Dr. Nails, 

and of course for the poor sap that gets stuck sitting next to us.

I apologize in advance whomever you are.

Do any of you have advice for travelling with a baby?

Dr. Nails' strategy is putting in his earphones and turning the volume up.

So not fair!  Help!

Five

What have you done with my baby?!?!

Jake was 5 months old yesterday!

holy crap, I missed it.

That's a big deal, my little is getting so big!

Yesterday we set up his high chair

not that he's eating food YET, but soon enough....

and holding his bottle all by himself? What?

All of a sudden this kid is doing stuff! 

When did this happen?

In so many ways I am super stoked for him, because now he can do STUFF.

like splash in the bath, sit in the shopping cart, hold on to his toys.

But in so many other ways I am so sad for me.

because sometimes I wish he would stay little forever....

See, he's sitting up, all by himself.

sniff.